The Art of the Man Bunt

The Man Bunt is what bothers me the most about kickball. The Man Bunt occurs when someone who appears to be male steps up to the plate in kickball and then daintily taps the ball in front of home plate. He then invariably sprints like a girl to first base with his arms waving all over the place. Are you that intimidated by the kickball defense that you need to do this? Are you afraid of someone catching the ball? Are you afraid of someone gunning you out at first base? What are your motives for playing kickball, proving just how afraid you are? Go find another, safer sport. Why don't you try synchronized swimming?

Unfortunately, the prevalence of man bunters in the league has cause kickball defenses to come up with new strategies to defend the powerful tactic. I once was at a game where the defense had the catcher in front of home plate, the 3rd baseman and pitcher creeping up, and another infielder in between the 3rd baseman and the pitcher. It's kind of sad that kickball has evolved into this type of game.

The main defense that my team uses is that I loudly proclaim "Ladies and Gentleman, that was a MAN BUNT!" upon successful completion of this humiliating exercise. I've also been known to read the bunt and charge home plate with enough speed to catch the ball in the air. During the playoffs last year there was a team that had 100% man bunting during the semifinals. They went up 4-0 using this tactic. During the third inning, I read a bunt perfectly and caught the ball in the air. I then ran up to the other team's bench and threw the ball at them and yelled at them "this is what happens when you MAN BUNT" exactly like how Walter says in the Big Lebowski "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" Needless to say, we immediately rallied and won 5-4.